


Dear Lena Luthor

by scrappylittlegleek



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Dear Evan Hansen References, F/F, I am Supercorp Trash, Lena Luthor Deserves Better, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor in Love, Other, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-02 17:35:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16309634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappylittlegleek/pseuds/scrappylittlegleek
Summary: Inspired by the musical Dear Evan Hansen, Lena writes letter to herself every day as instructed by her therapist. She's supposed to use the letters to encourage herself. She thinks the letters are pointless but she writes them anyways. She finds herself opening herself up to Kara, who's struggling with her feelings and beginning to question her relationship with Lena and wondering if she wants something more.Supergroup slow burn.Side note: I'm making this up as I go along, I don't know how it will end and I don't know what I'm doing but it will be very angsty. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.





	1. Today Is Going To Be A Good Day

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is always welcome.

  


_ Dear Lena Luthor, _

_ Today is going to be a good day, because today you are still you, and that is enough.  You are still here and you didn’t give up on yourself even though you know you want to.  You really want to.  _

  


Lena sighed and looked at her notepad.  This was stupid. She didn’t need to write a letter to herself, it wasn’t going to help.  She was only doing it because it’s what her therapist was telling her to do, and it was making Kara happy.  Kara was the only reason she went to therapy in the first place. She’d had to literally drag Lena out of bed and practically throw her into the car.  Lena only agreed to continue to go because her therapist kept insisting she was getting better, she didn’t feel any different, but it was nice to hear a compliment every once in a while from someone other then Kara.  The idea was that if she wrote about why she was going to have a day and said positive things about herself, she would eventually start to believe them. But so far it wasn’t working, it was only aggravating her. 

  


_ I still don’t understand these letters.  I don’t know how they’re supposed to help me.  I keep telling myself I’m going to have a good day, but it hasn’t happened yet.  I'm sick and tired of waiting for good days to come.   _

  


Lena thought about everything that’s happened since she started writing these.  Her mindset surley hasn’t changed.  She is still just as stubborn as when she started.  She still thinks they're pointless.  It’s still a struggle for her to trust herself or believe in herself even when doing the simplest of tasks.  These letters were exhausting, they made her feel things she'd spent so long trying to push down.  She resented them, she hated that they made her feel, she hated that they made her want to cry.  Her therapist had told her they would help. But no progress was being made. She still got weary after too much social interaction and was so tired of constantly having to defend herself that she’d started to believe that she really was a bad person.  The letters were supposed to help her open up. If she could open up to herself, she could open up to others.  Right?  But Lena had gotten so used to people degrading her, that she’d started doing it to herself.  

  


_ I've been thinking a lot about Lex lately. After the whole incident with the children and the lead poisoning, I’ve been finding it pretty hard to live with myself.  I know now that I didn’t really do anything wrong, but it’s still nagging me. I know I’m capable of something that terrible, it’s just a matter of time before I do something similar.  One day am I going to break and turn into Lex or my mother? I don’t know which outcome is worse. Or am I just going to slowly turn evil, is the transformation going to be so slow and gradual that I don’t even notice it myself until one day I look back at the person I used to be? And once I realize what I’ve become, will I be able to go back? I know nobody trusts me now, if I get to the point where I really do snap, I may not be able to ever go back.   _

  


These thoughts constantly haunted her. They were terrifying. she'd spent her entire life trying to be good, but what if it was all for nothing? Just because we strive to be good people, it doesn't make us inherently good.

  


_ The prospect of me becoming a monster is horrifying.  Everything Lex has ever done makes me so angry.  I want to place all of the blame on him.  It would be easy to say he's the way I am, he's the root of my insecurity.  I know that's not true, but sometimes I wish it were.  Everything would have a simpler explanation, everything I've ever despised about myself, everything that made me less then perfect, everything that made me feel like I was going to snap in half could so easily be blamed on him.  But I know that's not true, sure it's a factor, but it isn't all of it.  Sometimes all of this makes me wish I could just  disappear.  I'm sure nobody would notice.  If they did, I'm sure National City would be grateful that they no longer had to worry about the Luthor heiress.    _

  


Lena sighed as she read over her letter.  She was supposed to be talking about why she was going to have a good day today, not venting about her problems.  She was supposed to be making improvement, not talking about how she wished she could disapear. She tried to think about something she could be proud of, no matter how small. If Kara were here she would give her a long list of things, things that didn’t seem relevant to Kara.  Kara was proud of everything Lena did.  She got excited when Lena said something positive about herself, and she always beamed with pride every time Lena did as much as held a conversation with another person.  It was all a little much, but the support was reassuring, even if it was unnecessary most of the time.

  


_ I’ve gotten off topic so let me try to go back to what I’m supposed to talk about.  Today is going to be a good day.  _

_ I will admit, it’s hard to talk about why my day is going to be good.  I’m not used to good days. I’ve been having some lately, not good days really, but good portions of the day.  I guess that's better then nothing.  My days are the best when I see Kara, she’s my best friend and she makes my days bearable.  She's been trying to teach me to trust myself, I applaud her for the effort. I can't quite understand why, but when she says she wants me to have good days she means it. If she were reading this, she would probably tell me to go out and make myself have a good day, don't just write about it.  If today ends up being crappy anyways, she would tell me she's proud of me just for making it through.  I wish I was able to think like that, I've always admired her positive outlook on life.   _

_ So Kara, if you ever read this, this next part is for you.   _

_ Today is going to be a good day and here’s why; today you’ve made it another day.  You made it another day without giving up. Even though you keep thinking about your family, you haven’t turned out like them yet.  You made it through another day without breaking. That is enough.  _

  


Lena smiled at her paper.  She hated these letters, she really did, but they were starting to make sense now.  She’d made it another day, that was all that mattered.

  


_ You’re going to get better. _

For the first time, as Lena wrote those words, she believed them.

_ When you do get better, thank Kara Danvers for forcing you to go to therapy.   _

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Me _

  
Lena set the notepad down on her coffee table.   _ Today is going to be a good day, because you are going to make it a good day.   _


	2. Kara Danvers, a 'Hero'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara accidentally finds Lena's letter before their lunch date. She starts thinking about how guilty she feels for keeping her secret from Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has no plot whatsoever, but we're just going to go with it.

Every Tuesday, Lena and Kara had lunch dates together. It was their special thing that they both looked forward to all week. Before leaving, Lena had asked Kara to grab some paperwork off of her desk that she needed for her meeting after lunch. Kara hadn’t expected to find a letter written from Lena to herself beneath her files. She didn’t realize Lena had continued to go to therapy, but she was glad she’d been making the effort. She was proud of her, she knew how hard it was for Lena to accept that she needed help. But those feelings were overpowered by the heartbreak she felt when she realized the things Lena thought about herself.

  
“Did you find it?” Lena asked and poked her head back inside her office.

  
“Oh… yeah, I-- it’s right here,” Kara stammered and smiled awkwardly as she held up the folder.

  
She handed it over to Lena who put it in her briefcase. “I have a board meeting later, or else I wouldn’t be bringing my work stuff with us to lunch.”

 

  
Kara nodded. “It’s totally fine.”  
They walked down the street to Noonan’s, their favorite cafe. They took their seats at a table in the corner next to the window, so they were away from the crowd but could still see the city around them. Part of Kara was nagging away at herself. She was already keeping one major secret from Lena, she didn’t want to keep this from her too. But the letter was private, Lena wrote it for herself. If she told her about it, Lena might stop writing them. She didn’t want to stop her from getting better.

  
Lena hadn’t meant to leave the letter out in the open as she had. She’d written it in her living room, she hadn’t been able to sleep that night. Her mother had called and she’d spent the night in a downward spiral. She drank almost an entire bottle of wine and curled up into a ball on her couch and cried. When she realized how weak she was becoming by letting herself get so upset, she cried even more. Before she knew it, it was one in the morning. A new day. She wanted to forget about the night before, the thought of it alone was humiliating. So she wrote her letter to herself, drank as much coffee as she could without making herself sick, and tried to convince herself today would be a good day.

  
“So, how are you liking being a reporter?” Lena asked and raised an eyebrow.

  
She put her elbow on the table, rested her chin in her palm and smirked at Kara. She loved talking to Kara about reporting, partially because she helped inspire the idea that Kara would make a great one.

  
Kara blushed. “My boss is kind of a jerk,” she said and took a sip of her coffee.

  
“But, I like it a lot more than being an assistant, I like getting to use my voice,” Kara elaborated with a smile.

  
Lena nodded. “I knew you would be great at it.”

  
Kara blushed even darker. “I don’t know if I would’ve had the guts to speak up, or even decide to become a reporter if it wasn’t for you,” she admitted.  
This time it was Lena’s turn to blush. The sun hit her face perfectly, making her pale skin glow and her dark hair shine in the light. Lena looked up at Kara and smiled, there was a small dimple in her cheek. It was hardly visible, but Kara found it beautiful. Kara noticed how green Lena’s eyes were, and for the first time took in her beauty. She had always found Lena pretty, you’d be insane not to think she was, but this was the first time Kara really saw her. Every detail. From the dimple on her cheek, to how she squinted her eyes when she smiled.

“Well, I’m glad you’re finding your voice,” Lena said. “I always knew you had it in you. Even when we first met, you just have a way with words.”

  
This time it was Kara’s turn to blush. “You really think so?”  
Lena nodded. “Of course, you have a natural talent.”

  
Kara grinned and blushed even redder. Those words meant a lot coming from Lena, she's always admired her intellect. It was one thing to have your work complemented, it was another to have it praised by Lena Luthor.

 

  
The moment was ruined when Lena’s phone buzzed in her pocket.  
“Hello?” She answered abruptly.

  
Lena said okay a few times then hung up.

 

“Kara, I’m so sorry, I have to go but I-- do you think we could make up for it another time?” Lena asked apologetically and stood up.

  
“Of course, I don’t blame you,” Kara replied, to which Lena gave a small smile.

  
They hugged and exchanged goodbyes before Lena rushed off back to her company.  
Kara watched her walk away, looking like she had all the confidence in the world. It made no sense to her how someone so put together and established like Lena could say the things she’d written in her letter. From looking at her, you would never be able to tell how insecure Lena was. It broke Kara’s heart to know that she was hiding everything she felt and that there was nothing she could do to help. Kara knew better than anyone what it was like to hide a secret identity, but she couldn’t imagine pushing down her emotions as far as Lena had. Lena had opened up in her letter, but it was clear that she was still holding herself back and not being completely honest, and the letter was only supposed to be viewed by herself. Kara couldn’t imagine being so closed off to the rest of the world that she wouldn’t admit to her feelings even to herself. Even when she’d moved to earth, she had felt so alone. But had her foster parents, Eliza and Jeremiah, who didn’t understand her struggles but they listened. After a while she even became best friends with Alex, the sister she’d always wanted. Kara had always let her emotions pretty much run her life for her. Lena didn’t let herself feel anything at all, which worried Kara. How long would she be able to go before everything came crashing down on her?  
Before she went to bed, Kara curled up in bed, opened her journal and wrote about all of the feelings she'd become overwhelmed with.

 

 _I found a letter on Lena’s desk. I wasn’t supposed to see it, I just did. I didn’t intend to read it, but it was just there and I couldn’t stop myself. Before I knew it, I’d read every word. She would kill me if she found out I read it. I want to tell her I’m so glad she’s making the effort, but I know none of this is any of my business. Even so, I’m so happy about everything she’s doing to herself, I know how much she hates going to therapy. But I won’t say anything. If she wanted me to know, she would’ve told me._  
 _I went to lunch with her today. I’ve been feeling kind of weird around her. She’s close to figuring it out, I can feel it. She’ll know soon, whether I want her to or not. She’ll put it together eventually, I know she will. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t already. I know the glasses don’t do much, but somehow they’ve managed to fool everyone else. But she’s Lena. She’s smart enough to see past them. She has like a million degrees and doctorates. Now that I think of it, I’m just now noticing everyone calls her Ms. Luthor and not Dr. Luthor. Dr. Luthor sounds nice. I’d call her Dr. Luthor if she let me. But anyways, I’m getting off topic here. She’s smart enough to figure it out by now. I don’t understand how she_ hasn’t _unless she already does and hasn’t said anything. If this is the case, does this mean she isn’t mad at me for keeping it from her? No, if she knew she would’ve told me. I’m her best friend, we tell each other these things._  
 _Being her best friend is also what makes this whole thing so terrible. Kara Danvers is her best friend, Supergirl is just someone she works with. Every time she tells me how glad she is to have me in her life, I just feel so guilty. Especially when she talks to me about Supergirl. She doesn’t deserve this. She’s been betrayed and lied to by so many people, I hate knowing that I’m contributing to it. Our entire friendship is based on a lie. Everything she loves the most about me is all just a cover. It’s eating away at me. I know I fit in with humans more now than I ever have, and I should be grateful for everything I have. I know I’m lucky. I know I shouldn’t be complaining or taking this for granted. But_ every time _she tells me I’m her hero, I just want to come clean and tell her everything. I can't be her hero, heroes are supposed,_ to _be honest, and trustworthy. I wish I could justify my lies, I know I do I have_ a reason _behind them, but they still feel so wrong._  
 _If she finds out, I’ll have no one left to be Kara Danvers_ too _. All of my other friends know. Without her, Kara Danvers is completely gone. I don’t want to lose the human part of myself, but also I don’t want to continue this lie._  
 _I told Lena I would always protect her. If she finds out who I really am, it’ll make her an even larger target. My lies are protecting her. That’s what I try to tell myself. If she finds out, she’ll hate me, but at least she’ll be alive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone told me I should write a chapter through Kara's point of view like I did with Lena. I'd had this chapter pre written, but I went back and attempted to revise it so I could include Kara's inner monologue. I've never really written anything like this before so I apologize if it isn't any good so far.


	3. Game Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the anniversary of Lena's adoption which has been hanging over her head. Kara helps her feel better.  
> It's a really crappy summary I know but the chapter isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism and other comments are greatly appreciated.

_Dear Lena Luthor,_   
_I’ve been thinking a lot today. About my parents, and everything I guess. I don’t know, today was hard. Today is always hard. I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about it, but I know no matter what I do it’s still going to be there and there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t ignore this._   
_It’s been twenty years since I was adopted today. It makes me think about where I’m from, and the affair. My birth mother was just my father's mistress, I was a mistake. My birth mom didn’t want me. She didn’t want to stay with me. Lillian and Lionel got stuck with me. They didn’t love me, I try to think back to a time where I had what could be described as family and not just parents. Because I feel as though there is a difference. Parents show up because they have to, families show up because they want to. I have no memory of my birth mom. Perhaps that’s for the better. If I don’t know what she was like I have nothing to miss and nothing to be sad about. I have a stuffed lamb she gave me when I was a baby. I kept it when I was adopted, I used to hide it from Lillian and Lionel. If they saw it they would’ve told me it was childish and to grow up, they would’ve thrown it away. I still have it, it’s in the drawer of my nightstand. I don’t have the heart to throw it away but I’m too ashamed to sleep with it, it’s like a security blanket. It’s always nearby as a reminder as to where I came from._   
_I know it’s a silly thing to be upset over, but I still can’t help but be envious of everyone else who has a real family. I hate knowing that a stupid stuffed lamb is all I have left of my mom. And I cling to it and refuse to throw it away but I wish I could because every time I look at it I’m reminded that I still have it because it’s the closest thing I have to my mom. I can’t even remember her face. I know it’s such a childish thing to complain about something being unfair, but it’s something I just can’t seem to stop thinking about._   
_I’ve started to go to game night with Kara and her friends. Everyone’s nice and all, but I feel like an outsider. It’s like I’m on the outside always looking in. They’re one group, then there’s me. Alex, Kara’s sister, and her girlfriend Maggie have been doing their best to make me feel welcome. They’re a real family. They grew up with families, I just had parents. I know, it’s selfish to complain about this. I could’ve had it worse. I just don’t understand how I never noticed until now. I’d always thought the emptiness was normal, but Kara and her friends are so warm. I kind of keep my distance, I don’t want to disrupt them, but when I’m with them I understand what family means._   
_I’m going to a game night tonight. Hopefully, it’ll help me take my mind of this whole thing._   
_Sincerely,_   
_Me_

“Lena, are you crying?”

  
“What, no?” Lena said, pretending to be shocked as she tried to subtly wipe away her tears.

  
“See, Alex I told you we shouldn’t have played Monopoly, we all end up angry in the end,” Kara walked away from her sister and sat down on the couch next to Lena. Despite being a genius CEO, Lena somehow had managed to lose every game of Monopoly they had played that night, she hadn’t even come in close. The rest of the group had teased her playfully, which Kara had secretly wished they wouldn’t. She just wanted Lena to feel comfortable around her friends, and they were not making it easy.

  
“I’m not crying, I just had something in my eye,” Lena lied.

  
It was game night at Kara’s apartment, which normally got a little heated. Kara, Lena, Alex, James, and Winn were competitive, to say the least. But the night had taken a surprising turn. None of the friends had ever seen Lena cry before, and they weren’t quite sure how to react to it.

  
Kara nodded with a frown. She knew Lena, if she pushed her she’d be less likely to open up. But she also knew that something was bothering her, Lena Luthor never cried over nothing. Especially not some dust in her eye or a game of Monopoly.  
Alex and Maggie exchanged knowing looks, which went unnoticed by Lena and Kara.

  
“We should probably go, it’s getting late and Alex and I need some alone time,” Maggie said with a wink, she took Alex’s and stood up.

  
Alex smirked at her girlfriend. “I like the sound of that. I’ll see you tomorrow Kara,” she said and gave Kara a quick kiss on the cheek before they left.  
Moments later, James and Winn left too to finish up some work, leaving Kara and Lena alone together.  
“Do you need any help cleaning up?” Lena offered.

  
Kara looked around the room and shrugged. “I think I got it.”

  
Lena raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” She asked and gestured to the game pieces scattered across the floor, the half-empty pizza box on the kitchen island, the empty take out bags that had been filled with potstickers, and the plates in various parts of the room.

  
Kara chuckled and blushed. “Yeah, I need some help.”

  
Lena smiled and began placing some dishes in the sink. Even though it was normally relatively messy, Lena loved Kara’s apartment. It was warm and felt like home. It was always filled with the sounds of laughter and gave off comforting vibes.

  
They cleaned without talking for a little while before Kara broke the silence.

  
“Are you okay?” Kara asked. She was knelt down by the coffee table, organizing the game pieces in the Monopoly box.

  
“What?” Lena asked and put the final dish into the sink.

  
“I-- I know you were crying earlier,” Kara said and closed the box. She put it back on the shelf where it belonged, then stood next to Lena, a little too close for her comfort. Lena took a step away then turned on the water and began washing the dishes to make the moment less awkward.

  
Lena averted Kara’s gaze. “I’m fine.”

  
Kara sighed. “Lena, you’re my best friend. I know when something’s bothering you.”

  
Lena turned away from the dishes and faced Kara. “Kara, I’m fine, really.”  
“You can trust me, you know that.”

  
Lena looked at the floor, ashamed of what she would say next. “I-- it’s nothing, it’s just, twenty years ago today was when I was adopted,” she admitted. “I don’t know, I mean, I know it’s not something to be upset about but… I-- I guess it’s just kind of humiliating.”

  
Kara’s eyebrows furrowed and the small crinkle that always showed up when she was sad or confused appeared on her forehead. “Lena you have nothing to be ashamed of.”  
Lena sighed and nodded. “I know I should be happy I was adopted. It’s just… I start to think about Lex and my parents and…” she took a deep breath. “And everyone they hurt, and I wonder if… what my life would be like if I’d never been adopted, or if I’d gone to another family.”

  
Karas eyebrows furrowed in thought.

  
“I-- I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the happiest subject in the world, we can talk about something else if you’d like,” Lena said and Kara could see her mentally building herself back up again.

  
“Did you know I live with a foster family?” Kara blurted out.  
“What?”

  
Kara nodded in confirmation. “I was adopted when I was thirteen by Eliza and Jeremiah Danvers.”

  
Lena looked down at her shoes. “I’m-- this whole time we’ve been talking about me and I, I never even thought to ask… I’m so sorry Kara.”

  
Kara shook her head and placed a reassuring hand on Lena’s shoulder. “No, you have nothing to apologize for. I just, I know it’s hard, but you're not alone. I know what you mean when you say you wonder what it would be like if you hadn’t been adopted, I know what it’s like to wonder what it would be like to live with your birth parents, because as much as I love my foster family, I miss my mom and dad every day.” Kara admitted. “You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”  
Lena inhaled sharply and took in what Kara said. Although she tried to hide it, Kara noticed Lena’s bottom lip quiver.  
Kara took Lena’s hand in her own and pulled her in for a hug. Lena sunk into the warm embrace and let Kara hold her.  
“Thank you,” she breathed. “I’ve never had friends like you before, so… thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot? Who's she? Sorry I don't know her.  
> I'm going to be honest I don't know where I'm going with this story or what I'm doing with it at all, so I know none of the chapters have a real plot yet. We'll get there eventually, hopefully. I know this has been pretty sloppy so far, but I'm still relatively new to writing fan fictions and actually posting my work.


	4. Blame It On The Alcohol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena drunk dials Kara, who immediately comes rushing to her aid and takes care of her. Lena gives Kara a few unprompted pep talks.  
> Some angsty almost fluff, if that's a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism and other comments are greatly appreciated.

Lena hadn’t intended on finishing a bottle of tequila at three in the morning, but here she was. Drunk and oddly quite confident. Lena had been described as a weepy drunk on more than one occasion, but tonight she felt like she could take on the world. She’d never felt more alive.  
She was subconsciously aware of the fact that she had to sober up for her board meeting in six hours, but she ignored her last sober and responsible brain cells. She would probably regret it, but she didn’t care. She was draining away all of the emotions she had felt today in the only way she knew how. She knew this was unhealthy, but her health was the least of her concerns right now.  
Lena had started the night by listening to some quiet and calming music and attempting to get some work done before she went to bed. She just had to fill out a few papers, not too bad. But she couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation she’d had with Kara earlier. She tried to push down all of her grief, but the pain kept coming to the surface. So she drowned it in alcohol just like she always did. A few drinks later, she’d finished her work quite sloppily, but it was finished just the same. A few drinks after that, the music had changed from classical to something between Fall Out Boy and Pink. She’d pracitcally chugged the bottle of tequila and now felt better then she had in a long time. She knew she would have a killer hangover soon, but she pushed that feeling down, just like she did all the others. After several conversations and debates with herself, Lena dialed a number into her phone.  
“Hey,” she slurred. She noticed how awkward her voice sounded and giggled.  
“I think I’m a little drunk,” she whispered into the phone. “Don’t tell anyone,” she added and giggled again.  
She lazily wandered into her living room and flopped down onto her couch. “Kara,” she slurred, stretching out the name.  
“Kara,” she repeated in a sing songy voice and swayed her head from side to side. “Kara’s such a pretty name, just like you, you’re a…” Lena paused and remembered what she was going to say.  
“Oh yeah, you, you’re pretty. You’re really fucking hot Kara,” Lena said. “You know, lemme give you some advice.”  
Lena sat up straight, and scrunched up her eyebrows, trying to force herself to be serious. “You’re really hot, like really fucking hot, and you gotta start believing it,” she said.  
“Because you’re so so hot and you don’t think you are and it just… it’s a waste. You gotta believe in yourself Kara Danvers, you go show the world how hot you are,” Lena said with as much authority as she could muster.  
“I’d kill to be as hot as you, or date someone as hot as you. I’d totally date you,” Lena mumbled. She hung up the phone and threw it across the room in a sudden fit of anger. It was about time Kara Danvers realized what she was worth, she thought to herself.  
She got up and wandered around her penthouse for a little while until she heard a quiet knock on the front door. She stumbled down the hallway and almost tripped over herself as she opened the door.  
“Kara!” She exclaimed.  
Kara nodded and stepped inside. She was wearing a National City University hoodie over her pajamas and her eyes were laced with sleep. She’d woken up to her phone ringing and after listening to Lena’s voicemail, she knew something was wrong. She hadn’t intended to quite literally fly to Lena’s aid at three in the morning, but she couldn’t help herself. She knew Lena’s mind was dark, and even though she seemed happy now, it wouldn’t be hard for her to do something stupid. Especially since she was drunk.  
“Lena, it’s almost four, you need to get to bed,” Kara said quietly. She wrapped her arm around Lena’s waist and attempted to guide her to her bedroom. But Lena squirmed out of her grip and picked up a fresh bottle of tequila from off her bar cart. Kara sighed and tried to grab it from her, but Lena dropped the bottle and it shattered on the ground.  
“Look, I made a metaphor,” Lena joked humorlessly.  
Kara sighed and ignored Lena’s sad attempt at a joke. “Lena, come on, you need to get to bed.” She took Lena’s hand in her own and began to walk her to her room. This time Lena followed.  
“Kara,” Lena whined quietly.  
“Yeah?”  
Kara gently pushed Lena down onto her bed. She removed her black blazer and red blouse.  
“You’re so pretty,” Lena breathed.  
Kara nodded and blushed. “Thanks, I listened to the voicemail.” She said bashfully. She pulled off her hoodie, revealing a white tank top. Slowly, she helped slide the hoodie over Lena’s head.  
“Say it,” Lena mumbled.  
“What?” Kara asked and helped Lena take off her pencil skirt. She pulled the white covers on top of her and sat down on the bed beside her.  
“Say you’re pretty,” Lena said quietly.  
Kara sighed. “Lena, you’re drunk, and you need to get some rest.”  
“Kara, I know you’re humble and you want to make everyone around you happy, and that is one of the things I love about you, but you need to care about yourself too,” Lena stifled a yawn and her eyelids began to droop.  
“Stop letting other people hold you back, and stop holding yourself back. You’re gonna do great things Kara Danvers, believe in yourself,” Lena murmured.  
“And what about you? You’re going to do great things too, you’ve already done great things,” Kara responded.  
“I’m a Luthor, great things don’t matter.”  
Kara nodded silently. Whenever Lena was drunk, she always ended up going on some sort of rant, wether about herself or something else. Drunk Lena said everything sober Lena didn’t have the confidence to vocalize. Kara wanted to tell her that she was drunk, and didn’t know what she was talking about, but she knew Lena meant every word she was saying.  
“You deserve better,” Lena whispered and closed her eyes.  
“Well, you aren’t going to remember any of this in the morning,” Kara said with a sad smile. “I’m going to go sleep on the couch, if you need anything just ask.”  
Lena sighed and wrapped her hands around Kara’s. “Stay with me,” she said, her voice barely audible. She used all of the energy she had left in her to move over and make space for Kara, who reluctantly crawled into bed with her. Lena rested her head on Kara’s chest and curled up practically on top of her. Kara could smell the alcohol on her breath. Within seconds, Lena was fast asleep and Kara could hear her heart beating steadily. She knew there was no moving now, so she reluctantly pulled the covers on top of them and tried to sleep as much as she could before they had to officially begin their day in just a few hours. She tried to mentally prepare herself for the hangover she was going to help Lena through as she felt herself drift off to sleep. Maybe Lena was right, maybe she did deserve better. They both did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry I'm getting closer to figuring out an actual plot. One day this will be more then a bunch of random chapters, but today is not that day. I'm getting closer to figuring out what I'm going to do with this story though, because not going to lie I posted the first chapter intending it to be a little oneshot. So I genuinely have no idea where this is going, but hopefully it's somewhere good. Also after going back and re reading it, I've realized the chapter i really fucking short, so sorry about that but I literally wrote it in five minutes.


	5. The Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara takes care of an extremely hungover Lena. She just doesn't expect to find out that her best friend is in love with someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism and other comments are always appreciated.  
> And thank you to everyone who's continued to read this story and leave kudos/comments, it's honestly what motivates me to keep writing more chapters.  
> Happy Supercorp Sunday!

Lena woke up the next morning to a pounding headache and her ears ringing. Her chest ached and her stomach felt like it was doing back flips. She could still taste the alcohol on her lips. She tried to recall the events from last night, but after game night everything went black.

She opened her eyes but closed them quickly at the light shining in through her bedroom window. She took a minute to brace herself, then slowly opened her eyes again. She wasn’t sure how she’d gotten here, but she was tangled up on top of someone else. She couldn’t have had a one night stand, it wasn’t possible. She didn’t know girls willing to sleep with another girl, especially a Luthor. Carefully, as so she wouldn’t disturb the sleeping girl beneath her, she pushed back the mop of blonde hair covering her face.

It was Kara. 

Lena wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or panicked. She couldn’t remember anything from last night, she wasn’t sure how she’d ended up in bed with another woman, much less her best friend. She knew they hadn’t slept together, Kara was straight. Or at least that’s what she’d assumed. 

She pulled back the covers, and noticed Kara was fully clothed, to which she breathed a sigh of relief. However Lena then noticed she was practically straddling her best friend, and inched away from her. The movement, even though it was small, hit her with a wave of nausea. She mumbled a few curses under her breath. The last thing she needed was to deal with a hangover. 

Slowly, Lena opened her eyes and took a deep breath, wincing at the feeling. She exhaled slowly and opened her eyes. She looked down at herself, besides a hoodie that clearly didn’t belong to her and her underwear, she was completely naked. Then realization hit her, Kara had seen her like this. Kara had most likely been the one to undress her. Lena was hit with another wave of nausea along with humiliation. Kara had taken care of her when she was a drunken mess. 

“Hey, how long have you been up?” Kara asked groggily and rubbed her eyes. Slowly she sat up and looked around her, remembering where she was and the events from last night. 

“Not long,” Lena replied, her voice was raspy and sore. 

“How do you feel?” Kara asked. 

Lena sighed. Her head was throbbing, her stomach was churning, the light was too bright and even though she was practically whispering, Kara’s voice was just too damn loud. 

“I’m fine,” she lied through clenched teeth.

Kara smirked. “Yeah? Well no offense but you look like crap, I’m going to get you an aspirin and some water then I’m going to call Jess and tell her you won’t be coming in today,” she said and stood up.

Lena nodded, which she immediately regretted as the dizziness she had been expecting kicked in. She couldn’t believe herself, Kara shouldn’t be obligated to take care of her like this. 

After a minute or so Kara appeared with a glass of water and some aspirin. Lena swallowed the pill dry and Kara raised an eyebrow.

“Lena, you should drink this,” she said. 

Lena sighed and took the glass. “Did I do anything stupid last night? I just… I can’t remember anything.”

Kara shrugged. “You called me.”

Lena cringed. There were a lot of things she’d thought about Kara that she had no intention of  _ ever _ saying out loud. They were thoughts that she’d tried to push down and ignore, she knew if she allowed herself to dwell on them it would only end up hurting. Sure, Kara was gorgeous inside and out, but it's not like Lena could tell her that.

“What did I say?” She asked shakily and took a sip of water. 

Kara sighed and remembered Lena’s drunken speech. “You just told me not to hold myself back,” she said. She didn’t need Lena to remember her telling Kara she would date her, it would just be awkward for the both of them. Besides, Lena had been drunk. Kara told herself she probably hadn't even meant any of it. 

Lena went to put the water back on her night stand, but Kara stopped her. 

“Lena, just drink it. It’ll make you feel better,” Kara insisted. 

Lena sighed and drank some more reluctantly, she didn’t have the energy to argue. 

“Are you sure I didn’t do anything I should know about?” Lena asked and set her glass down on the bedside table. 

“Besides the voicemail, no not really. Oh but I did get a complaint from one of your neighbors, something about you playing music too loudly. But by the time I got here the music was off,” Kara said. 

Lena blushed and nodded. “What did I say to you?”

“You… you told me I was pretty… a bunch of times actually,” Kara admitted and noticed how pale Lena got. 

“Are you okay? You look like you’re going to--”

Before Kara could finish her sentence, Lena threw up all over her. As soon as she realized what she had done, Lena clamped her hand over her mouth in embarrassment. Kara stood up and looked down at her shirt with a shocked expression. Both of them were stunned to silence, until Lena began apologizing repeatedly. 

“Oh my God, Kara I- I’m so sorry, I’ll buy you a new shirt,” Lena apologized. 

Kara shook her head calmly. “I- it’s fine, do you have anything I can change into?” She asked. 

Kara went to the bathroom to clean herself off and came back wearing one of Lena’s black tops. 

“Kara, I’m so sorry, I--” Lena began as soon as Kara re-entered the room.

Kara shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a shirt. I know you’re probably feeling really gross right now, so I started a bath for you. I want to wash your hoodie because you kind of puked on it, but I’ll bring you some clean clothes for when you’re done.” 

Lena looked down at her lap. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“What are friends for? Now go get in the bath.” Kara instructed, trying to ignore what her heart was telling her. 

As soon as Lena left the room, she began looking through Lena’s drawers. She dug through various blouses, pencil skirts and tight dresses in search of something comfortable for her friend. She eventually gave up and decided to throw her college hoodie in the wash so that Lena could wear it again. She then realized that Lena couldn’t just wear her hoodie like she’d done earlier, so she went back into Lena’s closet in an attempt to find sweatpants. Or at least something that didn’t look like it costed more than Kara’s college tuition. Her hand landed on something papery. She didn’t want to invade Lena’s privacy but her curiosity got the better of her, and she pulled out the object. It was a notepad with the letters she’d been writing for weeks now. She wouldn’t read them this time. But she couldn’t help her eyes as they wandered over the middle paragraph.

 

_ I haven’t slept in three days. Lillian was arrested and I’m scared that if I close my eyes they’ll come for me too. _

 

Kara felt her heart shatter inside of her. Quickly she flipped to the next page. The handwriting was messy and rushed.

 

_ I need to stop thinking about her. If I keep thinking about her I’m only going to start liking her more. God she’s just so beautiful and so perfect. I don’t even know how to describe it, everytime I see her I just feel like I’m going to explode. She’s just got these blue eyes that you could drown in and this smile that makes you feel like you’re finally home. Her laugh just makes me melt every time, it’s the most incredible sound. And everytime I see her sad, my heart aches for her. But I need to stop talking about her now. Wallowing in self pity and lust isn’t going to do anything for me. If I just stop thinking about her, all of these feelings will go away. She doesn’t like me, she never will. I need to stop while I’m ahead. _

 

Kara’s eyes grew wide. Lena was gay? Who was this girl she loved. No, this was none of her business. Quickly she shoved the notepad back under Lena’s pile of folded clothes. It didn’t matter who Lena was in love with, it didn’t concern her. It’s not like Lena was in love with Kara. Kara tried to push the thoughts away and continued to look through Lena’s closet for some sweatpants. 

Eventually she gave up and settled on a pair of jeans, assuming they were the most comfortable pair of clothing Lena owned. She set the hoodie and pants outside the bathroom door and walked back into the living room to give her some privacy. Lena loved someone, she needed to stop thinking about it. It wasn’t her Lena loved, it never would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen we finally (sort of) have cohersive chapters! Let me just say, this chapter is kind of a filler for what I'm going to do, so yes I know it's boring and kind of pointless. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do with this so if anyone has suggestions or prompts they're greatly appreciated.  
> Also, I started writing a more fluffy upbeat Supercorp fic (because I can't focus on one story at a time) that I'm considering uploading once I finish this one.


	6. Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Mercy attacks L Corp, Lena begins to question her friendship with Kara. She knows Kara is Supergirl and feels betrayed because she knows Kara may never tell her. Kara knows somethings wrong so she tries to reach out to Lena, who just shuts her out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism and other comments are greatly appreciated.

After spending the entire day with Lena and making her dinner, Kara finally let her friend start taking care of herself again. They’d come to an unspoken agreement to never talk about Lena’s hangover ever again. Kara knew she didn’t have to go so far for Lena, but she’d felt incredibly guilty for reading her letters, again. She felt even more guilty after the incident. L Corp experienced an attack by xenophobic felon Mercy Graves. Because of the attack L Corp was put under a lock down. During this time, Lena had insisted Kara stay by her side for its entirety, for Kara’s safety. But she noticed how Kara continued to attempt to get away from her, and she knew. She knew Kara’s secret, she knew that Kara was almost indestructible. Almost. She knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if Mercy had used kryptonite to attack Kara.

See, Lena was many things. All of her accomplishments such as graduating MIT at age twenty (as valedictorian) and her two PHDs were common knowledge. As the CEO of two of the worlds largest companies, Lena had been defined as a genius. Which, in fact she was. 

Lena was used to people leaving her and feeling tense around her presence. She couldn’t blame them, she’d watched her brother and mother drag the Luthor name through the gutter. She was used to hatred, she had grown up around it. She was used to betrayal, she felt it on the daily. She was accustomed to people leaving her. She was familiar with being lied to, and she knew all too well what it was like to have a loved one do these things to her. It took her a long time to trust people because of this. Kara knew this better than anyone. It had taken Lena months to warm up to Kara’s sense of openness and kindness. Kara was the most genuine person she knew, which is why she was so confused as to why Kara had spent the entire day trying to get away from her.

She knew Kara had to keep her secret identity a secret. It was in the name. But she didn’t understand why Kara was so adamant about keeping this secret from her. They were supposed to be best friends. And it’s not like Kara had done a very good job about hiding her double life from Lena. Afterall, glasses ang argyle sweaters weren’t exactly a master disguise. She’d down for as long as she’d known Kara. However, she respected Kara’s privacy. She knew when it was her place to ask questions. She knew when to speak and when to hold her tongue. She assumed Kara would tell her when she was ready.

After Kara had spent the day taking care of Lena and her hangover, Lena oddly enough became to question their friendship. If they were so close, what was keeping Kara from telling her? She couldn’t help but feel a pain in her chest every time she saw Kara. Because she knew that everything she valued most about their friendship was a lie. 

During Mercy’s attack, Kara was given three opportunities to tell Lena. Three perfect opportunities. 

Lena watched Kara get shot multiple times. She deflected bullets with her hand before getting shot in the back five times. She watched Kara walk away with not even a scratch. She thought it was then, in that moment that Kara would tell her. There was no way she would possibly be able to explain it, she had to come clean. 

“They missed me by a long shot,” Kara lied. 

But Lena knew what she saw, Kara had gotten shot, and she’d lied about it. 

The second chance, possibly the one that made the most sense. Kara sneezed, causing four men to fall over from the impact. Lena knew that whatever she had witnessed was not a sneeze. When she grabbed onto her best friends arm and looked into her arms, begging for honesty, Kara said “sorry I forgot to take my allergy medication this morning.” At this point, Lena subconsciously knew Kara wasn’t going to tell her. Not today, and not ever. But she continued to hold onto hope. Maybe Kara would tell her when they were done, maybe she was just waiting for the right moment. 

But when ‘Supergirl’ appeared, Lena thought to herself  _ finally, this is it _ . This was the moment Kara would tell her, the moment she’d been waiting for pretty much all day. But Kara lied to her again. She didn’t even bother to make up an excuse. Lena felt her heart break inside of her chest. Did Kara really think so lowly of her that she didn’t even feel she was worth the effort to make up an excuse to. Kara didn’t care about her enough to bother to explain herself. 

Lena was used to people leaving her. She was used to being let down. It was something she’d adapted to rather quickly. She knew to keep her walls up, she knew she needed to protect herself. The one time she’d opened up, she’d gotten hurt. The one time she’d let herself be vulnerable with someone, she’d been walked all over. And just like that, she was reminded of why she never let anyone in. 

 

Kara called ten times the next day. They started out cheery and happy. _ Hey, you wanna grab lunch? _ Then they became mildly concerned.  _ You aren’t replying to my texts. Can you please call me back? _ Then they became worried.  _ I called Jess and she told me you didn’t come in today, is everything okay? I’m worried about you, please call me back Lena.  _ After that, they just sounded self pitying.  _ Did I do something to upset you? I-- I just, you’re my best friend, so I hope you’re not mad at me. But i-if you are, you’d tell me right? Can you just tell me what’s wrong? _ Then they were just sad.  _ Lena, if you’re mad at me, let me try to fix it. Whatever I did, I-I’m sorry, just please forgive me. I hope you’re okay. Bye Lena.  _

Lena was not one to wallow in self pity, but today she made an exception. She sat on her couch wrapped in a blanket, drinking wine straight from the bottle. She tried to ignore Kara, and placed her focus on something else. She decided that she hated her penthouse. She hated the minimalist decor, the white walls and shiny hardwood floors. She hated how cold and foreign it felt, and she hated how it didn’t feel like a home. She would never voice these opinions out loud though, her anger would show weakness, and Luthor’s aren’t weak. Ideally, Lena tried to keep herself from feeling anything at all. She put up a strong front, that’s how she was so successful. But now all of her feelings were bubbling beneath her, threatening to surface. She needed to feel something before she imploded on herself. So she let herself feel hatred towards her apartment. That’s as upset as she would let herself be. Sadness was weakness, and Lena would not let her emotions take control. So she sat on her couch and continued to drink her wine while feeling cold and empty inside, just like she always did. She watched as her phone buzzed with more texts from Kara. She scrolled through them without opening her phone so she wouldn’t leave her on read. 

_ Kara Danvers- I know everything that happened yesterday was really crazy, and I’m sure seeing Mercy again couldn’t have been easy. If you need anything I’m here for you. _

Sent 11:58am

 

_ Kara Danvers- Hey! Jess said you called in sick today and I know you never call in sick. I hope you’re doing okay, and if you need anything just tell me. _

Sent 12:15 pm

 

_ Kara Danvers- So I’m having another game night on Friday at 8:00 if you want to join. It’ll be me, my sister Alex, her girlfriend Maggie and possibly Winn. I’d love it if you came! This time don’t be so formal, it’s just game night, you could wear your pajamas for all I care.   _

Sent 1:27pm 

 

_ Kara Danvers- I saw this meme that reminded me of you. _

Sent 1:29pm

 

_ Kara Danvers- You still haven’t replied to any of my texts or calls so I’m assuming you’re mad at me, because I know your phone is always on. I’m really sorry for whatever it is I did, can you please just text me back? I know it’s only been a day but I miss you.  _

Sent 5:36pm 

 

_ Lena Luthor- Please stop texting me. _

Sent 5:37pm 

 

Lena sighed, turned her phone off and hid it under her pillow. She couldn’t deal with this right now. She just needed her world to stop spinning, just for one minute.

She clumsily reached for the bottle of wine on the coffee table but she knocked it over with her arm. She sighed as the red liquid soaked into her white rug, it would leave a stain. But who cared, she could just buy a new. It seemed like all she was worth was her money. 

Lena looked at the shards of broken glass on the floor. She didn’t bother to clean them up, if she stepped on them she stepped on them. It didn’t matter. Nothing did anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who are still reading and putting up with this plotless crap, I warned y'all I don't know what the fuck I'm doing this and this story has absolutely no plot. At all. So if you're here and disappointed, don't worry so am I. But I warned you, this story is a mess. But I mean, what can I say, I'm a sucker for angst?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara reaches out to Lena and tries to figure out why Lena's angry at her. While trying to solve everything, Kara finds out Lena's known the entire time she was Supergirl. Lena feels betrayed that Kara didn't tell her and begins to push her away even more. Kara realizes she likes Lena more then just as a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I didn't revise this but I'm too lazy to go back and edit it now so enjoy the sloppiest and typo-ist chapter I've every uploaded.

There was a gentle knock on Lena’s door. Lena picked herself up from where she had fallen asleep on the couch and wandered over to the front door. She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and opened the door. 

“Kara, what the hell are you doing?” Lena snapped. She hadn’t intended for it to seem so angry, but she couldn’t help it. All she needed was some space, and Kara didn’t respect that. Besides, she didn’t need Kara to see her drunk again.

Kara sighed. “I just wanted to check up on you, can I come in?” She asked hopefully.

Lena exhaled and reluctantly stepped aside so Kara could enter. She was the last person Lena wanted to see right now, but she still couldn’t say no to her puppy dog eyes, and Lena hated herself for that. 

Kara walked inside and noticed the broken glass besides the coffee table, and the second bottle of wine Lena had used to replace it. 

“What happened?” Kara asked, gesturing to the broken bottle. 

Lena shrugged. 

Kara knelt down next to the mess and picked up the pieces in her hands before throwing them away. 

“Lena what’s going on? Did I… did I do something?” Kara asked desperately. 

“Kara, please just go, I just want to be alone,” Lena said, there were dark circles under her eyes and she sounded absolutely exhausted. 

“Because, I’m worried about you,” Kara stated the obvious. “I just want to know, did I do something to make you this mad at me?” 

Lena closed her eyes and took a moment to regroup. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath before opening her mouth again. 

“Of course you did something Kara!” She practically yelled. “God, you keep this major secret from me for years and when I take a day, just  _ one _ day for myself you just can’t deal with it. All I wanted was to take a day to think about all of this, but you just had to show up, just like always.”

Kara sighed. “So you know?” She asked quietly. 

“Of course I know! How dumb do you think I am?” Lena replied.

“Lena, I don’t think you’re dumb, you’re the smartest person I know,” Kara said calmly. 

Lena folded her arms over her chest and nodded. Kara noticed she was wearing a  _ National City University _ hoodie that she’d stolen from her a few months prior. 

“Can we… can we just talk about this?” Kara asked, a crinkle appeared between her eyes, just like it always did when she was upset. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Lena stated. 

Kara sighed. “Lena, please.”

Lena nodded slowly.

“Well then what do you want to talk about? How our entire friendship is based on a lie?”

“Lena I-”

“Save it Kara. You don’t get to keep this from me for almost two years then waltz in here as if you did nothing wrong,” Lena said loudly.

“I was trying to protect you!” Kara shouted. 

She had always felt immensely guilty for keeping this from Lena, but she’d had her reasons. If Lena could just give her a minute to explain herself, then maybe they could work this out. But Lena didn’t care about Kara’s side. She only cared about how she was hurting, she hadn’t even stopped to think about the fact that Kara was too. 

Kara hadn’t meant to raise her voice, but she couldn’t take Lena acting like she was the bad guy here.

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Lena fired back. “I was fine before you came along. I don’t know if you realize this, but I don’t need a knight in shining armor to save me everytime I’m in trouble, I can take care of myself.”

Kara took a deep breath and composed herself. “I know you can,” She replied, her voice lowered. 

“Then why do you feel the need to constantly rescue me?”

“Because I--” Kara stopped. “How long have you known?” She asked quietly, hoping Lena, in all her rage wouldn’t notice how she’d attempted to change the subject. 

Lena sighed. “For as long as I’ve known you. Seriously, I’m surprised more people haven’t figured it out.” She said and rolled her eyes. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

Kara looked down at her feet, seemingly defeated. “Yes… well I-- I don’t know. If I’d told you, it would’ve only put you in danger, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything were to happen to you,” Kara’s voice cracked at the mention of Lena getting hurt. 

Lena furrowed her brows. “Kara, I could’ve died yesterday, I knew about your secret, but I stood in front of you to block you from Mercy and I very well could’ve died then. Do you not understand what any of this means?” She practically begged.

Kara shook her head sadly. 

“Well then, I think it’s best if you leave,” she said, her voice was low and broken. 

“Lena-”

“Just please, just go.” 

Kara sighed, there were tears in her eyes. “Are you sure?”

Lena pursed her lips tightly. “Yes, I’m sure.” She said and folded her arms over her chest in an effort to regain her composure and powerful stance. Defeated, Kara flew back to her apartment in tears. Yes, she flew. She’d been concerned about Lena, and when she’d heard her heart rate increasing at an alarming rate, she’d immediately flown out to make sure she was okay. She didn’t care if she got caught, she didn’t care if Lena got mad at her, she just needed Lena to be okay. She just hadn’t expected Lena to be so hostile. 

When she got back to her apartment, she sat down at her kitchen island and began writing. It was messy and none of the sentences made sense together, but it was everything eating away at her that she couldn’t say out loud. 

_ Lena knows. She knows and now she hates me because she knows everything. I’m so stupid, Lena’s literally a genius, how did I not expect her to figure it out? Oh Rao, Lena KNOWS. I know she won’t tell anyone, she’s lasted this long, and she’s not Lex, but I’m scared. I don’t know why I’m scared but I am. I don’t know if I’m scared of Lena or myself but I do know that I keep messing up and I keep accidentally reading her stuff and now she hates me and I kind of hate me too. Lena’s in love with someone and she knows I’m Supergirl.  _

Kara looked down at the paper and sighed, she somehow managed to ramble even when she wasn’t speaking out loud.

_ Is it bad that I want to know who it is? It probably is. I didn’t even know she was gay. Or bi or whatever. I kind of wish she’d told me, I mean we’re supposed to tell each other everything. But I’m sure she feels the same way about Supergirl. Oh Rao she was right, this entire friendship is based on a lie. She has every right to hate me. I meant everything I told her, she really is my best friend, but I was never truly honest with her. Everyday I lied to her and told her I was someone I’m not. But now she knows, and there’s nothing I can do to make it up to her. I just wish I could do something to make it better, so she’d like me again. And not that stupid girl she’s in love with.  _

Kara looked down at what she’d just written and quickly erased it. She didn’t love Lena, she just didn’t. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so yes, I am aware that this is more angst BUT I do have a plan that requires less angst in the future. (I'm lying I don't have a plan at all, I don't know what I'm doing). So don't worry, it will get better.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is absolutely devestated now that all of her suspicions about Kara have been confirmed. Kara begs for forgiveness and reassures Lena that she will always protect her. But Lena doesn't want to settle for a friendship.   
> It's a crappy summary but I'm actually kind of happy with how this turned out so please give it a chance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I would like to apologize for how angsty this chapter is in advance.   
> Constructive criticism and other comments are always welcome!

_ Dear Lena Luthor,  _

_ It’s official. Kara is Supergirl. I mean I’ve known for quite a while, but now it’s been confirmed. I thought I would feel better, but I just feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I guess what they say is true, ignorance really is bliss. It was easier, even if i was pretending the entire time, it was easier to think of Kara and Supergirl as two seperate people.  _

 

Lena tapped her pen against the paper. Was it really easier? 

 

_ Easy isn’t the right word, but I suppose it was nice being able to seperate them. I believed that I had more than one friend in this city. It was a nice feeling. With Kara, I could be vulnerable. She was my friend, she was kind, she was there when I needed her. She pushed me out of my comfort zone, hell she’s the reason I’m writing this letter. Supergirl challenged me, but in a good way. She pushed me to my limits, scientifically speaking.  _

 

Lena looked over at her phone, which was lit up with three new messages from Kara. She slid her phone across her desk, when she looked up, she realized how dark it was. It couldn’t be too late, maybe nine in the afternoon, but late enough that she was sure the rest of her staff had gone home. Kara probably wasn’t at work, perhaps she was out saving an innocent citizen. The thought of Kara saving someone's life made Lena feel guilty all over for hating her. Except she didn’t really hate her, she wasn’t quite sure how she felt. 

 

_ Now that I know they’re one person, I feel exposed. I feel naked. I feel like she knows too much, like I can’t hide from her, because she already knows what I’m going to do next. Kara knows everything about me, she probably knows me better than I know myself. Again, I’ve known they are the same person for some time now, but I just keep having to tell myself that now everything I’ve ever suspected is true. It’s all so surreal. I wish I could go back to the little fantasy world Kara had created, where everything was good and kind. That’s one of the things I love about her, she always sees the good in everything. But now I feel like I don’t know who she is at all. She lied to me about everything. Even when her identity was the most obvious thing in the world, she still kept up her facade.  _

 

Lena’s eyes shifted from her paper and grazed around her office. The entire room was plagued with memories of her and Kara. Memories that she desperately wanted to forget just for a moment, because no matter how hurt she was, no matter how much her chest burned at Kara’s betrayal, she couldn’t bring herself to be angry. 

There was her couch, where Kara had held her while she cried and confided in her. Where Kara had promised to always protect her, no matter what. She’d told her she’d never. It was the same spot where Lena had told her Kara was her hero, and where they’d eaten all the junk food Kara would bring, because she knew Lena forgot to eat at work. Even her desk reminded her of Kara. It was where they had first met, Lena had asked Kara if she was a reporter. Kara had admitted she was merely an assistant, but she came back later and told Lena that she was working to become one. Weeks later, Kara confided in Lena and told her she’d inspired her to fight for the job she wanted. 

 

_ It wasn’t a very good one, but nevertheless she continued to try. Maybe I should give her some credit, I mean I can’t be mad at her for being a hero. I know how selfish I sound, she’s saved my life more times than I can count and here I am complaining about how she hurt my feelings. I’m getting so sloppy. I wasn’t raised to behave this way, I know it’s shameful. I know that I shouldn’t be so upset, I know that crying about this makes me weak, I know. But no matter where I look I see her face, I just can’t get away. She’s everywhere.  _

 

Lena’s phone buzzed again and she looked at the new message. 

_ Kara Danvers _

_ Please, can you just give me five minutes to apologize.  _

_ 9:37 pm _

 

Lena set her phone back down on her desk and heard a thud. Her head snapped quickly and she saw Kara in her supersuit land clumsily on the balcony. Kara tried not to slip as she walked into Lena’s office. She raised an eyebrow at Lena who was trying to stifle a laugh. She knew Kara was going to try and make amends, so in an act of sheer pettiness, she’d gotten the balcony cleaned and waxed, simply to inconvenience Kara. 

“Lena, can we talk?” She asked tenitavely. 

Lena nodded stiffly. She stood up and walked over to Kara, keeping a respectable distance between the two. She folded her arms across her chest and waited for an explanation.

“Lena, I… I am so sorry,” she began to ramble. “You have every right to be mad at me, if I were you I’d hate me I- I do hate me right now. I know you’re hurt and betrayed and I-- I get it, I really do. I never meant to-”

“Kara, stop,” Lena cut her off.

Kara nodded and took a sharp breath as she braced herself for whatever Lena had to say. 

“I know…. I know you already tried to explain it but can you just… I just want to know, why? Why did you keep it from me?” Lena tilted her head. She showed almost no emotion at all. She looked like she was getting ready to close a business deal. Kara searched her face for any trace of remorse or sadness, but she was blank. She was cold and empty, just like when they’d first met. Devoid of any feeling at all. 

“I did it to protect you, if I’d told you, you would’ve become a target for alien and human attacks alike and I didn’t want to risk that,” Kara explained. 

“I’m a Luthor,” Lena said coldly. “The minute my brother began his reign of xenophobic terror I became a target for criminals everywhere. I’ve had more near death experiences then can be counted on two hands. I’m already a target, some aliens wanting to see me dead would hardly change that. Half of National Cities populations wants me dead.”

Kara sighed and looked down at her feet. She scratched at her arm anxiously, she wanted to curl up into a ball and hide away in shame. “You have every right to be mad,” she said quietly.

“You wear that symbol on your chest and you think you’re some kind of God, you had no right to keep something like that from me. Has our friendship meant nothing to you?” Lena asked, she lowered her eyebrows and Kara heard the almost desperate tone in her voice. 

As much as she tried to keep up the emotionless exterior, it would soon come crumbling down. 

“I know it’s hard for you to trust me, I understand why you would be hesitant after everything to believe in me after everything Lex has done, but you’re my person Kara. You-- you were my person at least. You were the one who made me start to finally believe that I’m more than my family, so why did you see me as just another Luthor?” Lena continued. She attempted to regain her composure, but failed as tears began to well up in her eyes. 

“Lena I do trust you, I’ve always trusted you. There has never been a doubt in my mind that you are not a great person, you’re my favorite, you know that. It killed me knowing that I had to keep this from me, but you have to believe me, I did it to protect you,” Kara replied, she knew she sounded like she was begging, but she couldn’t help herself. 

Lena looked down at the ground, Kara knew she wasn’t taking what she’d said to heart.

“Listen to me Lena,” she said with all the confidence she could muster, and Lena raised her eyes. “You have no idea how badly I wanted to tell you. Do you know how many times I cried because I felt like I was betraying you? I spent so many nights lying awake, wondering if I was really doing the right thing, or if I was just being a terrible friend. You’re not the only one that’s hurting right now Lena, you can’t make this all about you.” She said, all of the pent up anger and guilt finally reaching the surface. “I know this is hard for you and I’m doing everything I can to make it up to you. I am so, so sorry, and I wish more than anything that I could make this better, I really do. But I can’t make you forgive me.” She sighed, and accepted the reality. As much as she wished Lena would forgive her, it might not actually happen. 

“Lena, I love you, I always have. You’re my best friend and I- I can’t lose you,” she said and her voice broke. “When I say I care about our friendship, I do mean it. But I can’t make this better. I can’t make you forgive me, you have to try Lena.”

Lena avoided Kara’s gaze. She’d never seen Kara in her super suit seem so powerless. She’d never seen Supergirl so defeated. Kara looked like she was ready to give up, something Lena had never seen before. 

“I will continue to fight for this,” Kara added, gesturing between her and Lena. “I will always fight for you, and I will always protect you, but if you’re going to hate me, I can’t be your friend.” 

She took a step back from Lena. She could see the gears turning in her brain, this was it. Lena was going to make her choice. Lena took a deep breath and mentally regrouped before speaking. 

“You want to be friends,” she said calmly. 

Kara nodded.

“Just… friends?” She repeated, almost as if asking a question.

Kara nodded again, confused as to what Lena wasn’t getting. 

“You can leave the way you came in, now if you’ll excuse me I have some work to finish up,” she said and turned to her desk. 

Kara watched as she began to sort through her papers as if nothing had happened. She almost called out Lena’s name, she was ready to get on her knees and beg if that was what it took. But she couldn’t make Lena forgive her. She couldn’t force Lena back into a friendship that now would be completely one sided. So she just watched as Lena began typing away on her laptop without acknowledging her presence at all. Her face held no emotion at all. She was overcome with a familiar coldness, it was foreign yet Kara recognized it right away. It was the feeling of Lena shutting her out completely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know I said there would be less angst going forward, but on the bright side I have plans for the next chapter which has literally never happened before because this story is just a bunch of bullshit in writing. Also, if I start uploading less it's because I really need to start focusing on school and my grades, so I'm really sorry in advance.   
> To those of you still here, thank you so much for reading because it means so much. I hope you guys are enjoying or at least not hating this story so far.


	9. The First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After talking to Alex, Kara finally puts everything and realizes she likes Lena as more than just a friend. She decides to give Lena some space and let her work things out for herself, which doesn't end up going as planned. Lena and Kara both confess their feelings in an unconventional way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm currently sick and when I wrote this I had a fever and I was too tired to revise it. So enjoy my unedited work that I wrote when I was sick and could hardly string two words together.   
> Comments and feedback are appreciated!

“And then what?” 

“She asked if I just wanted to be friends.”

Alex had to keep herself from letting her jaw drop in shock. “Well what did you say?”

Kara exhaled. “I said yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I want to be here friend? But then she got all quiet and told me to leave. I just don’t get it, what did I do wrong?” Kara asked, clearly oblivious. 

Alex raised a questioning eyebrow. “Do you seriously have no idea?”

Kara shrugged and waited for Alex to explain. 

Alex sighed and smiled slightly. “She likes you, Kara.”

Kara blushed and tried to play it off with an unconvincing laugh. She swatted her hand and shook her head. 

“Alex, Lena doesn’t like me like that,” she said. 

Alex nodded. “She asked you if you wanted to be  _ just  _ friends, then got upset when you said yes. She likes you but she doesn’t know how to tell you.”

Kara shook her head. “Lena… she’s in love with someone else.”

Alex’s eyes widened. “What? Who? How do you know?”

Kara shrugged sadly and sighed. “I accidentally read something she wrote. She was talking about a girl. She didn’t say she loved her in those exact words but she… I can tell, she does. She probably just doesn’t want to admit it to herself yet.”

“Have you ever thought about the possibility that you’re the girl she’s in love with?” Alex asked. 

“She doesn’t, she just doesn’t.” 

“You seem disappointed, are you sure you don’t like Lena?” Alex asked and braced herself for Kara to defend herself. She knew when Kara denied it, she would be sure. Kara was a terrible liar, she couldn’t even lie to herself. If she liked Lena, her response would make it obvious. 

“What?” Kara replied dramatically and tried to play it off cool. “Why would you think that?” 

She mumbled something about that being absurd but blushed brighter than a tomato. 

Alex had to keep herself from laughing at her sister. 

“Okay, so here’s what you’re going to do,” she said and put a hand on Kara’s shoulder to bring her focus her attention back on herself. “You are going to give Lena space.”

“But-”

“No buts, you’re going to do it. Kara you are the most loving person I’ve ever met. You are bright and caring and a just… a big ball of sunshine. Lena is dark and gloomy. She’s used to you being all happy and sunshiney but that’s only because you guys were friends. If you come and burst down her door and confess your love for her she’s going to freak out. You need to give her time to get herself together, then start with something small. Small gestures, let her warm up to you. She just found out your biggest secret, she’s scared and lonely, I know you guys are best friends but she feels like she doesn’t know you anymore. You need to go slow with her, don’t go all Kara on her,” Alex instruced, calmly yet authoritatively. 

“I don’t like Lena like that!” Kara insisted. 

Alex raised an eyebrow and Kara sighed. “It’s all just really confusing,” she admitted.

Alex sighed and nodded. “I know.”

“It’s like I want what's best for her and I want to her to be happy but… the thought of her going out with another girl just makes me so…” Kara’s voice trailed off. 

“How did you know? How did you know you liked Maggie,” Kara asked. Alex could tell she was struggling internally, she’d spent so much time trying to fix things between her and Lena and making sure Lena was okay that she’d forgotten to take care of herself. 

“I didn’t” Alex admitted. “It was Maggie, she knew. She helped me figure out everything I was feeling and after that everything made so much more sense.”

Kara folded her arms over her chest, the crinkle appearing between her eyes. 

“When I sent Lena flowers or brought her lunch because I know she forgets to eat, was that because I… because I have feelings for her?” She asked, she felt exposed and vulnerable, like Alex could see right through her. 

She trusted Alex, she trusted her more than anyone. But she didn’t want her to be able to see parts of her that she herself still hadn’t figured out. 

“I don’t know. It could’ve been, but it also could’ve just been you being Kara,” Alex said. “Just… give her some time.”

Even though she didn’t want to, Kara gave Lena space. She went three days. The first day when her boss yelled at her about her article, Kara dialed Lena’s number out of habit, ready to vent to her best friend. But then she remembered Alex’s advice, she needed to give Lena time to gather her thoughts. On the second day when she was ordering lunch, she almost bought a kale salad so she could drop it off at Lena’s office, because she knew Lena forgot to eat. She contemplated having the salad delivered to L Corp but decided against it. Lena needed space. On the third day, Kara saw a segment in the news about L Corp, she wanted to call Lena and tell her she was sorry for everything they’d said about her and her company. However, she knew Lena probably didn’t want to hear from her. She’d made it halfway through the fourth day when she was sent on official CatCo business to interview Lena. 

She paced outside Lena’s office nervously. This wasn’t the plan. She’d wanted to go a week then begin to slowly start reaching out to her once more just in case Lena still wasn’t ready. She wanted to respect Lena’s boundaries but now she was going to barge into her office and ask intrusive questions about her company and work because her boss had told her. She was given the okay by Lena’s secretary Jess to go right on in. That was a good sign, right? It meant Lena was still willing to see her. In fact, Jess had seemed pretty excited to see Kara. That was definitely a good sign. 

After gathering up as much courage as she could summon, Kara knocked on Lena’s door. 

“Come in.”

Kara took a deep breath and moment to compose herself before stepping inside. 

Lena looked up from her desk and raised an eyebrow. “Kara?”

Kara smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, I-- I’m here as a reporter, I need a statement from you about Mercy’s attack.”

Lena sighed and closed her laptop. 

“I tried to write the article without one but Snapper won’t let me publish it without a quote from you,” she explained.

Lena nodded sympathetically. 

“Before you begin, I… I know we ended things on a bad note and I don’t want there to be any hard feelings between us. I’m not holding a grudge, I’d like to hope you aren’t either,” Lena said and twirled her pen between her fingers. 

She leaned back in her chair and folded one leg over the other. Kara noticed how bold Lena looked, there was no other way to put it. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders and he wore dark red lipstick which complimented her tight dress. Kara felt her heart rate pick up its pace (something that rarely ever happened) at the sight. 

“I- I’m not mad, and I’m not holding anything against you i-if that’s what you mean,” Kara replied. 

Lena pursed her lips and nodded. “Good, just because we aren’t friends anymore shouldn’t mean we can’t work together.” She inhaled sharply and sat up straighter. “So, what do you need to ask me?”

Kara furrowed her brow, she’d given Lena space. Before that she’d practically gotten down on her knees and begged for Lena’s forgiveness. She knew she couldn’t force Lena to forgive her, but she thought she would’ve come around eventually. She wanted to speak up, but she just wasn’t sure how. But before she could think, she was telling Lena exactly what was on her mind.

“You know what? You always talk about how you’re trying to be good but you’re just-- you’re mean,” Kara said without warning. She already regretted opening her mouth but she couldn’t stop now. 

“I’ve done everything, I pretty much begged you for forgiveness but you-- you’re just so… you’re just stubborn! And… and selfish. I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I’m hurting too Lena. You need to stop being so stubborn and selfish and-- and mean,” Kara stammered. 

Lena took a deep breath and stood up calmly. She smoothed out her dress then placed her hands on her desk and leaned forward slightly. 

“You think I’m stubborn?” Her voice was low and quiet yet held so much power. 

“I just--”

Lena held up a finger and cut Kara off. She walked over to her and folded her arms over her chest. Kara took a step back nervously. She was bulletproof yet somehow Lena still managed to terrify her. 

“Do you remember what I said to you the other night?” She began.

“You asked if I wanted to stay friends.”

Lena sighed, Kara could see a hint of vulnerability trace her face. “No, I asked if you wanted to be  _ just  _ friends.”

Kara’s eyes widened. Suddenly everything Alex had told her made sense. Lena wasn’t in love with another woman, she was in love with Kara. 

“Do you get it now?” Lena asked and raised an eyebrow, taking a step closer to Kara. 

Kara nodded and felt her breath catch in her throat. 

“I’m really mad at you but I also really want to kiss you,” Lena whispered, leaning in closer. 

Desperate for Lena to make a move, Kara wrapped her hands around Lena’s waist and pulled her in slowly. Lena closed her eyes and filled the gap between them. Kara’s lips were soft and gentle against hers, and Lena let her take control. 

Only because she needed to breathe, Lena pulled away. 

“You still wanna be  _ just _ friends?” She asked with a smirk and raised an eyebrow. 

Kara shook her head, still trying to comprehend everything that had just happened. 

“I thought so,” Lena said and wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck, pulling her in for another kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst payed off! I know this chapter was shit but I'm sick and that's the excuse I'm sticking with.


	10. The First 'I Love You'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara freaks out about the kiss she shared with Lena, who is able to ground her. They both end up admitting their feelings for each other, and telling each other just how much they mean to one another.  
> Lot's of fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't been uploading! I actually wasn't going to post anything tonight but I was so disappointed in tonights episode that I wrote this in about ten minutes out of pure spite. So no, I did not revise it. But this chapter is really happy and kind of fluffy for the most part, so enjoy. And enjoy all of my spelling and grammatical errors, because I didn't revise anything. At all.   
> Comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated!

“Oh Rao, that really just… we did that and that just-- Oh Rao,” Kara exclaimed as she paced around Lena’s office making gestures with her hands, before eventually bringing them up to her forehead. 

A few minutes after the kiss, the realization of everything that happened had began to set in for the both of them. While Lena was able to hold her composure, Kara seemed as though she might explode. 

Lena nodded calmly, secretly amused by Kara’s sudden state of panic. Although she would never admit it out loud, she found Kara’s anxious habits adorable. 

“Yes Kara, we did… that,” she said. 

“Lena…” Kara turned on her heel to face the woman in front of her. 

“Yes?”

“We just… we kissed, like we really  _ kissed _ ,” she said, her eyes wide. 

Lena nodded once more and smiled at Kara’s rambling. “Yes, we did. Are you okay?”

Kara took a minute before nodding. “Yeah, I think so I’ve just…”

“You’ve never kissed a girl before?” Lena asked and raised an eyebrow. 

Kara nodded sheepishly. “No, have you.”

Lena smirked. “Well, I went to an all girls boarding school in Ireland, but I’d rather not get into all of that now.”

Kara was taken aback by the statement, she wasn’t sure if she was happy that Lena had been with girls in the past, as that might’ve made their relationship, if they were to have one, easier. On the other hand, Lena had been with other girls and Kara had not. What if she didn’t want to be with someone so inexperienced? 

“And… you kissed me?” Kara said quietly, but phrased it as a question. She brought a finger up to her lips, where the feeling of Lena’s gentle touch still lingered. 

Lena nodded. “Are you not okay with that?” She asked with a sudden hint of insecurity. 

Kara looked down at the ground as she realized as hard as it had been for her to come to terms with her feelings, Lena had always been a very closed off person. She guarded her emotions and pushed them down to avoid getting hurt. It had been months into their friendship before had seen Lena cry, and even then, she’d tried to stop her tears, ashamed of what she was feeling. 

Kara wasn’t unsure about the kiss, she knew what she wanted, and that was Lena. But if she acted as though she was unsure, that would just scare Lena away. She would apologize for it, and silently beg for them to never speak of it again. And Kara, knowing that she would do anything for her, would oblige. 

“No, I mean yes! Yes, I’m okay with it, I-- I liked it,” Kara stammered, taking Lena’s hand in her own. 

“I’m just… why me?” She asked, tilting her head to the side slightly. 

“What do you mean?”

“Out of all the girls out there, why me?”

Lena sighed and looked down at the ground. She took a moment to think before meeting Kara’s eyes once more. 

“Because Kara, you’re… you’re you. I don’t know how to explain it but you’re… I lo- what I mean is,” she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to stop the blush that was making its way across her face. 

She took a deep breath and looked up at Kara, meeting her eyes once more. 

“The first time we met, you treated me as if I was just any normal person, not like I was a Luthor. And you, you never stopped. You always stood by me, even when I didn’t deserve you. You… you’re the only person who’s ever defended me, I never had anyone constantly fight for me the way you do. But it… it’s not just that.” She gave Kara’s hand a gentle squeeze, and hoped she wouldn’t notice how sweaty her palms were becoming out of pure nerves that she might be rejected. She’d never opened up to someone like this before, and where she was at now, well, there was no going back. 

“You are the most selfless, caring, kind and loving person I have ever met. You constantly put others before yourself, even if it means you might get hurt, and I admire you so, so much for that. I… I can’t put into words how much you mean to me. I mean, how could I not lo-” Lena stopped, looking down at the ground once more.

Kara had never seen her look so open or so vulnerable. She knew everything Lena was saying was incredibly hard for her, she knew not to push. Though she also knew she wouldn’t have to. Internally, she was bursting with excitement at what Lena had told her. She heard the words that left Lena’s mouth, but as soon as she stopped talking all she could hear was _ LENA LUTHOR LIKES ME LENA LUTHOR LIKES ME _ playing in her head on repeat. She knew it was childish to be feeling this way, but now that both of their feelings were confirmed, she wanted to shout it from rooftops;  _ I’m in love with Lena Keiran Luthor! _

Unsure of what the boundaries were as of yet, Kara leaned in, hovering above Lena. “Can I…” 

When Lena gave a small nod of approval, Kara pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“You okay?” She asked. 

Lena nodded and took a step back. “Yeah it’s just… a lot. I never thought we’d get to this point to be quite honest with you, I’d… I’d imagined what it would be like if you ever found out, but now that we’re here, I just… I can’t seem to figure out what to say,” she admitted and folded her arms over her chest protectively.

“Well then, why don’t I do the talking,” Kara proposed, and Lena raised an eyebrow at Kara’s sudden burst of authoritativeness. 

“Lena, you are so incredible, I don’t even know where to start. To say you’re the smartest person I’d ever met would be an understatement,” Kara began, Lena blushed bright red and turned her face away from Kara. Kara brought her hand up to Lena’s cheek and turned her head back. 

“I defend you and I fight for you, not because I see the best in people, but because I believe in you, and I see you for who you are. You may not see it yet, but when I look at you, I see a strong, honest, intelligent, and trustworthy person.” She said, she reached for Lena’s hand once more and pulled her in closer. 

“And you’re not too bad to look at, but that’s besides the point,” Kara added with a smile, Lena ducked her head and chuckled. 

“My whole life, I fantasized about finding someone like you. I was always an outcast, I never knew how to fit in. When I first got to Earth, I thought I’d be alone forever. But when I found you, I saw you felt the exact same way. You got it, you understood everything I’d ever gone through without having experienced it yourself. And that isn’t because you’ve experienced hardships in your life, it’s because you care, you care so much about others. I know you don’t see it yet, but you are so kind and compassionate. And even though I know you have a hard time dealing with your emotions, you’re the most supportive and empathetic person I know. I know you don’t think you are, but Lena, you are so amazing. So I know you’re scared, I am too. This is all really new for me but I… I think we can find a way to make this work, don’t you?” Kara said, giving Lena a loving smile.

“You really think all those things about me?” Lena asked sheepishly. 

Kara nodded.

Lena bit her lip and looked over Kara, up and down. “I think we can,” she said kissing her on the lips lightly and quickly. Kara wished it had lasted longer, but she didn’t want to push. She could hear Alex’s voice in her head telling her not to go all Kara on this, but she couldn’t help herself. For the first time in so long, she was bursting with pure happiness. She just couldn’t help the words that came out of her mouth next. 

“I think I love you, Lena Luthor.”

“I know I love you, Kara Danvers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd like to apologize once more for not uploading in like a week. I've started writing for my school paper and my first article got published recently which I'm really excited about. I'm also participating in National Novel Writing Month, so if I'm a little MIA during November, that's why. For those of you who are still here, thank you so much for sticking with this story, it honestly means so much to me.


	11. The Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena finds out that Kara's read her letters and confronts her about it. Kara expects Lena to be angry and break up with her before they can even go on their first date, but Lena's response isn't quite what she predicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

_ It finally happened!!!!! _

Kara sat with her journal in her lap, curled up on her couch with a blanket over her legs, sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows. She couldn’t contain her excitement any longer, she was bursting at the fact that her and Lena had  _ finally _ kissed. She didn’t want to tell anyone. No, she did want to tell people, she wanted to tell everyone. However she knew Lena, being the perfectionist she was would want to have all of the details of their relationship figured out to a science before they mentioned it to their friends. And Kara respected this, so she wrote about it in her journal, her hands moving faster than she could think, her writing messy and jagged from her excitement.  

_ Lena kissed me. Wait no- I kissed her. Ugh! No! I can’t remember who kissed who! But we did kiss! And it was amazing! Lena’s amazing though, so I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. I want to ask her out on a date. I hope she’ll say yes. Oh Rao what if she says no? I mean she told me she loved me but what if it was just kind of a spur of the moment thing? What if this was all a spur of the moment thing? No, it can’t be. Right? Lena hates spontantinuity. She taught me that word, it means to do things without a warning. She knows a lot of big words like that. Maybe I should learn some to impress her. She says a lot of really smart stuff that I don’t really understand and I think she’d like it if we would talk about smart stuff together. She always gets so excited when she talks about science, it’s adorable. I don’t know that much about science on Earth, maybe I should start learning about it so that she’ll have someone to talk to about it. She’s so smart and gorgeous and perfect and she makes my heart go weeee. Anyways, I really hope if I ask her out she says yes. Oh Rao I lo _

Kara put her pen down at the sound of her phone ringing from where it sat on the kitchen island. She squinted her eyes so she could see the caller ID and used her super speed to run to it when she saw Lena was calling. 

“Hey, Lena!” She picked up halfway through the first ring. 

“Did you read my letters?” Lena said sharply, a harsh tone Kara couldn’t ever imagine being used on her, especially after their encounter earlier. 

It hadn’t even been twenty four hours since their kiss, were they already over? 

“What?” She asked, taken aback. 

“Did you read my letters,” Lena repeated sternly. Kara could practically hear the frown in her voice. 

“I-- well you… see… I didn’t mean-- w- what happened… what happened was--” Kara stammered. If Lena knew she’d read the letters, she would never trust her again. Kara really hadn’t meant to read them, she really hadn’t. She just couldn’t help herself. And once she’d started, she couldn’t stop. And it wasn’t like she’d told anyone about what she’d read or would ever use them against Lena, she would never even think about doing anything like that. 

“So you read them,” Lena said, her voice was calm and cold. It was devoid of any emotion at all, almost as if she’d been expecting this to happen. 

Kara sighed. “Yes,” she said, her voice was small and meak. “And I’m so sorry-- I didn’t mean to I swear I just… they were there and I swear I didn’t mean to but I just saw them and before I knew it I’d read it,” she rambled apologetically. 

Lena nodded on the other line and pursed her lips. “How many did you read?” She asked, her voice was steady, not a hint of sadness or anger. 

Kara looked down at the floor, ashamed of how no matter how hard she tried, she always ended up finding a way to hurt Lena. 

“I read one,” she began. 

She heard Lena sigh, she couldn’t be sure if it was out of relief or despair. 

“Okay that… I guess that isn’t terrible, you apologized and you didn’t read any more, I assume it could be worse.”

Kara could tell Lena was trying to convince herself more than anyone else. Her heart ached, knowing that she would now have to tell Lena the whole truth, lying would make it worse. 

“I read one and…” she took a deep breath. “I read a few lines of two others,” she said, she didn’t even try to defend herself. She knew it wouldn’t help. 

Lena was quiet. The silence was worse than before, Kara would have rather been yelled at and know Lena hated her than wait for Lena to make up her mind. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She snapped. 

Kara chewed on her bottom lip. “I- I didn’t want you to be mad and I-- I know it was wrong and I swear I didn’t mean to do it and I just thought if I told you it would’ve made things worse,” she rambled nervously. 

“You can’t keep things like this from me,” she said, her voice was loud and full of power. 

“I know but I--”

“You lied to me about being Supergirl for two years, and you knew that I wasn’t mad about you being an alien, I was mad that you lied to me about it. What makes you think this is any different?” She said angrily. 

Kara stayed quiet. She knew that nothing she could say would make this better, when Lena was mad there was nothing anyone could do to change her opinion. 

Lena exhaled loudly. Kara prepared herself to be yelled at and scolded like she was a child.

“I was going through my clothes just now,” she began calmly, from where she stood in her apartment, she sat down on her bed and pressed two fingers to her temple.

“I was looking for your hoodie, actually,” she said and laughed humoressly. “Normally I wear it when I’ve had a bad day, because it reminds me of you. But today I…” her voice broke. Kara bit her lip. She could deal with Lena being angry with her, but it was worse when she knew Lena was hurting and there was nothing she could do to make it better.

“I’d had such a good day, and I rarely have good days… you know that better than anyone,” her voice trailed off and she began to twirl a loose thread from her bed spread around her fingers. 

“I keep my letters in my top drawer, beneath my pile of shirts because I know nobody would ever look there,” she continued. 

Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. 

“I found your hoodie, I keep it at the top of my drawer because I’ll admit, I wear it quite often. When I’d changed into it, I reached down to the bottom, just to make sure my letters were still there, just like I always do to make sure I haven’t misplaced them,” Lena inhaled sharply. 

Kara felt her face grow warm, and tears began to boil in her eyes. 

“And they weren’t there, I freaked out, I thought someone had stolen them, I thought-- I don’t know,” she said with a sigh and looked down at her lap. “When I was done ransacking my apartment, I found them messily shoved in my bottom drawer. Then I remembered how you took care of me when I was hungover. You started a bath for me when I’d thrown up and then you went to find me fresh clothes, you were the only person I’d allowed to go through my things.”

Lena closed her eyes tightly, Kara could hear the pain in her voice. 

“So it had to be you,” her voice was empty, pushing down the emotion that was begging to be heard. 

Kara sighed as a stray tear made its way down her cheek. “I never meant to hurt you like this,” she breathed. 

Lena choked down a sob. “You never do,” she said softly. “Yet somehow we always end up here.”

Kara shut her eyes and willed herself not to cry. 

“I love you,” Lena said, her voice breaking once more. But it sounded like she was trying to convince herself of this, not reassure Kara. 

“I love you too,” Kara said quietly and wiped her eyes as she attempted to pull herself together. 

“And I want-- I want us to be… I want us to be something but I can’t…” Lena shook her head sadly as she tried to force back her tears. She already felt so exposed and vulnerable now that she knew Kara had read her letters, she didn’t want to show any more weakness. 

“We can’t keep lying to each other like this because I… I can’t do this,” she exhaled and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Kara I-- I don’t want us to break up before we even go on a date but I…” 

Kara nodded even though she knew Lena couldn’t see her. “I’m so sorry Lee,” she said softly. 

Lena tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling. “I know you are,” she said sympathetically. 

“I… I get it if you hate me,” Kara said, seemingly defeated. 

Lena fell back onto her bed, she rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up into her chest. She wanted to laugh at her current state, it was pathetic. She wanted to roll her eyes at herself. She imagined her mom seeing her like this, curled up in a ball, on the phone crying because someone hurt her feelings. She would never live it down. 

“I don’t hate you, I could never hate you, Kara… that’s the problem,” Lena said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want to.”

She took a deep breath before speaking again. “My entire life, people have lied to me and hurt me in ways that I… things that I could never tell you because you have such a kind heart and I wouldn’t ever want to place that burden on you,” Lena began. Kara’s heart ached, she knew Lena’s relationship with her parents was rocky to say the least, but she couldn’t imagine what Lena had been through, especially after reading the letters and hearing how she spoke now. 

“I would never hurt you.”

“I know that I just… I need you to be honest with me,” she said. “Because y- you know that I don’t know how to trust people. You need to be the one to show me how.”

Kara inhaled nodded. “I know, I promise I would never do something like this on purpose.”

“I know and I… I’m not mad at you.”

Kara was surprised that after all that Lena still wasn’t mad. “You’re not?” She asked, hoping she wasn’t pushing her luck by asking. 

“I’m not,” Lena sighed. “Believe me, you’d know if I was.”

Kara smiled. “Thank you, if I were you I don’t know what I’d do,” she admitted. 

Lena closed her eyes. “There’s just too much for me to mad about as it is, I don’t have energy to waste on this,” she said softly. She sounded absolutely exhausted. 

Kara bit her lip. All she wanted to do was rid Lena of all her burdens and struggles until she felt weightless and free. But she knew that was something she couldn’t do. No matter how hard she tried, she wouldn’t be able to cleanse Lena of her inner demons, or even the ones on the outside. 

“Just please don’t do it again,” Lena said quietly. 

“Of course, I- I would never,” Kara replied quickly. 

Lena felt her eyelids begin to droop and she dropped the phone onto her bed. 

“Lee, are you still there?” She could barely hear Kara’s voice now that the phone wasn’t pressed up against her ear, but the soft, muffled sound was enough. 

“I’m here,” Lena mumbled. 

“I’m really sorry,” Kara said again, just to make sure Lena knew she meant it. 

Lena let out a tired breath. “I know.” 

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Lena said, she was emotionally drained and sounded absolutely exhausted. “Can we just… can we try to forget about this?” 

Kara nodded. “Of course.”

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” her voice was small and gentle, the fragile words that left her lips meant the world to Kara. 

“I love you too, Lena.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I get it if you hate me after this chapter because I kind of hate me too. I'm planning on elaborating on both Kara and Lena's pasts to go mo into depth into their characters and I couldn't do that without this chapter though. I know it probably seems like I don't like Kara's character but I really do love her but I know I've been doing a really bad job of portraying that in this fic. But I promise it will get better.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I should make this a multi chap fic or not. If I do, the chapters will be longer then this. I wrote this in a rush so I know it's really short and sloppy. If I do though, Supercorp will defiantly be endgame, but it will be a slow burn. I appreciate any comments, opinions and/or suggestions.


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